Take It All or Nothing at All
by selfproclaimedbeauty05
Summary: Our situation is so difficult but yet I always find myself drowning in him. He is my cousin’s husband. But here I am spread out on the bed they share together every night. Lucius/Sirius M/M, Yaoi. IF you don't like it don't read it.
1. Chapter 1

I Do Not own the characters of Harry Potter.

Take It all or Nothing at all

I can't move. I just lie there and let him do whatever. My heart is skipping beats. My body is glistening in sweat. I hold on to him for dear life. I can't let him go.

Our situation is so difficult but yet I always find myself drowning in him. He is my cousin's husband. But here I am spread out on the bed they share together every night. The same bed, they conceived the child she is pregnant with now. The same bed that he fucks me in almost everyday. The same sheets that I have grabbed in the heat of passion, while he thrusts into me continuously. If these walls could talk, they would definitely reveal a lot of betrayal.

I run my hands through his beautiful silver locks. I can't stop this feeling that is over whelming me. His clothed erection rubs up against mines. He hisses in ear causing shockwaves through my body.

His hands roam my body. He rips the clothes from my body. His kisses are like fresh drops of rain to my burning naked skin.

"Lucius…we can't… be like this." The phrase barely makes it passed my swollen lips. My throat is dry from all the built up heat between us. He pulls on my hair hard forcing me to look in his deep stormy grey eyes. I know what this look means. It means; 'I don't care, I just want you. I will have you regardless of what happens. You belong to me. '

All I can do is apologize to him while he begins to stroke my cock.

"I…am…sor..rry." I throw my head back in pleasure. He bites into my neck causing me to wince in pain. I love it when he does that. I now begin to take a queue from him and claw at his shirt. I toss it from his body. He kisses my bruised lips again before he licks a trail down my body to my inner thigh. His soft locks tickle my erection. I feel it twitch slightly. I know that my pre cum is leaking with full force down my shaft. I could feel the wetness traveling all the way down to my ripen entrance.

His cool kisses and breath pets my inner thigh. I whimper. He licks the slit of my leaking erection.

"Ah…Lucius…don't tease me!" I pant.

"Tell me you want it, Sirius. Give me a reason to suck your cock." He licks my shaft again.

"I want it… Because I know you want it just as bad as I do."

He doesn't answer. He just engulfs my cock with his mouth. His mouth is so warm and wet. Its mind blowing and he hadn't even moved yet.

"Oh God…" I bury my fingers in his platinum locks. My back is arched in the perfect curve as he deep throats me.

He starts to bob his head up and down my shaft. His tongue wraps and massages my shaft in a seductive slow rhythm. He caresses and plays with my balls lightly. I feel the tightening in my lower body. I feel my toes curl. I am about to climax. My cock begins to tense up and I know he knows it will be over soon.

My orgasm shoots through my body. The intense pleasure almost makes me pass out. Each orgasm, he gives me feels completely new.

I am panting heavy as he continues to drain my cock. I am so lost in the waves of my climax that I don't even notice that he is about to slide in me.

"Fuck!" I yell. I wasn't quite ready yet, but once I feel him strike my spot, the pain leaves.

"Sirius.." He says my name as he buries himself to the hilt. He spreads my legs wider as he thrusts slowly, in and out. I just relax and let him take me. Each pump, each thrust, and each move of his dick, hits the nerves deep inside me. My knees are now trembling. My hands are gripping the sheets. My backaches from all the arching I am doing, so he can go deeper. He drives into my body harder. I am seeing white.

My right leg is now resting on his shoulder while the other is wrapped around his waist. Just when I think I can't take anymore, he wraps his hand around my now erected penis. He rubs the head of my cock, causing me to scream his name.

"Fuck! L…Lucius…deeper..plea..se." I look up at him. I know he likes it when I don't close my eyes. He knows I am not shy. It turns him on that I am not scared of him. He digs deeper into me. I now have both my legs wrapped around him. I began to roll my hips to meet his thrusts. My climax is building. The sound of skin to skin contact just makes me ride his dick harder.

His bits his lower lip in pleasure. He groans sound so sexy. I ground my hips deeper onto his cock. He grey eyes darken with passion. He begins to kiss me roughly. His thrusts become quicker and harder. This is it, we are both about to cum. He kisses me one final time. I scream into the kiss as I cum.

I can feel myself tighten around him causing him to coat my inner walls with his essence. After I milk the last of him, he collapses on top of me. We are both now trying to catch our breathe.

He pulls out of me and rolls over. My body feels broken but in a good way. I can't move. I feel weak.

He sits up to look at me. Black eyes look back at grey eyes.

"What's wrong?" I asked still sounding a bit winded from the encounter, we just had.

"I love you. You know that, don't you?"

I am breathless. Of course I know he loves me, but I just didn't want to be last anymore. Every time he says I love you, I go breathless.

"Yes, I know you love me." I bit my lower lip to stop the tears that were forming. "I love you too. I will always. Even in Death." Lucius kissed my deeply. He wrapped his arms around me tightly. I could feel him drifting into a peaceful sleep. I fought back the tears. I would follow him to hell and back.

I realized we will always be stuck in this difficult situation. And even thought I hated being last. I wanted to be with Lucius. That was all that matter to me. We had been together before he married my cousin. I was with him before he became a death eater. I could have left him. But I couldn't. I wouldn't. He was every part of my being. It hurt just to be apart from him for just a couple of hours. I would continue to be with him no matter what. I loved him.

I decided long ago that I would take all of him or nothing at all….

PLZ Review. If I get enough reviews. Then I will make it an actual story. But for now it is a one shot. So plz review!!!!!


	2. Honor and Blood

Authour Note: I do NOT OWN the Harry Potter Characters nor do I make or receive profit from them or this story.

I have decided to turn the one-shot into an actual story. As for my other stories I will be updating this week. This story is now taking place where the other story left off.

But in the *flashbacks* Lucius is already out of Hogwarts Also since I am going back into their relationship, Lucius is 18 and Sirius is 14. Lucius is engaged to Narcissa and hasn't taken the dark mark yet. I hope you guys enjoy. Also sorry for any errors. I got really excited about updating. PLZ Review!!!!! Oh by the way somebody else is also pregnant….Try and guess who it is.

Chapter Two: Honor and Blood

After I finish crying quietly to myself. I decided it was time to get up. Narcissa was to be home in a few hours. She was visiting with my mother. They all were probably raving about Narcissa being knocked up. I felt light headed at that thought but pushed it out of my mind.

I turned around to look at the sleeping figure next to me. He looked so angelic when he slept. It was a very heart warming sight. I leaned down and planted a very gentle kiss on his cheek. I didn't want to wake him. I knew he needed the rest. The dark lord was very demanding of him. Between the dark lord and politic demands, Lucius was always exhausted. But his looks never showed it.

I start to get out of the bed. I was hit with a wave of nausea, but chose to ignore it. I haven't really been feeling good lately. I didn't think it was anything serious probably just a cold.

I silently get dress. Once I am finishing getting dress, I do several spells to get rid of Lucius' scent and the smell of sex. Once I was finished, I look back at my lover sleeping peacefully in bed. I hate leaving him. Every time I leave him, I feel like it is the last time I will ever see him. I stare one final time and sigh. 'I love him so much.' I walk towards the door and leave his room silently. I walk to his study quietly, careful not to alert anyone. I get to the massive fireplace and floo home to Grimmauld Place.

As soon as I step through the fireplace. I see furious green eyes with a tinge of red staring back me. He is sitting in the arm chair in front of the fireplace. My blood starts to run cold. I keep my mind and composure calm, so he doesn't suspected anything.

"Where have you been, Sirius." He asked me very calmly even though I know his is upset for some reason. He stares me up and down. It was like he undressing me with his eyes. I almost felt exposed and turned on at the same time. He did look quite delicious in his black long sleeve button up and well tailored black pants.

"I was at Lucius house, love. I wanted to congratulate him on Narcissa current state." I look at him and put on my best seductive smile. I take off my jacket that I was wearing.

"Sirius, you wouldn't be lying to me, now would you?" He looked again as if he knew something that I did not. He raised an eyebrow on his handsome face. He was gorgeous. I was lucky to wake up to something so beautiful but yet so unlucky because he was so, dangerous. His shoulder length dark brown hair was pulled back into a ponytail. His long legs were crossed like a man with a lot power would sit. He slightly full lips were smirking at me. 'He was the dark version of my Lucius. Oh, how I love them both.'

"Why would I lie to you. All you have to do is read my mind and you would have the truth, right?" I stare back at him with a little bit of frustration in my eyes. My body is now hot for all the wrong reasons. I feel the tug of nausea again. I push it back.

"Don't tempt me. I also suggest you remove the attitude." He stands up and walks towards me. My body is feeling rather warm. Since I am still standing in front of the fireplace. Even though he sometimes scares the shit out of me and I know he could kill me at the drop of the hat. I do not back up. I hold my ground.

"If you are mad at me about something just come out and say it! I don't feel like going through one of your tantrums." I start to walk away from him and I knew that was a big mistake on my part. But it is my pride that takes over. It was one thing he could never kill, no matter how hard he tries. Before I could get a considerable distance. He grabs my arm roughly and turns me to face him. I look up into his now red eyes. He is a few inches taller that me. His handsome features start to darken. My heart feels like it is going to stop.

"How dare you?! Do you not realize I could kill you in one swift movement. That I could make you feel pain that would be so unbearable, that you pass out on contact." His grip tightens around my arm. I wince in pain. "If is wasn't for the love I felt for you….You would have been dead a long time ago." His red eyes stare at me furiously.

"I am sorry…I didn't mean to yell. I just haven't been feeling well." I look at him with as much submission in my eyes that my body would allow. His look turns to worry in an instance. His eyes immediately go back to there normal radiant green. The green that I love to see on him. That is the side I love. It was frightening how he could switch so quickly.

"Sirius, why must you infuriate me. I was just simply asking where you were. I was a little worried because you didn't tell me you were leaving. I came home to an empty house. I was expecting you to be here. I had plans for us tonight."

I instantly feel the guilt wash over me, but I mask it. I don't want him to suspect a thing.

I look into his eyes. I smile once again. I move closer to him. Now pressing my very warm body into his. I feel his body relax a bit.

"You know I would never leave you, right?" I begin to his kiss him. I was gentle at first, barely touching his lips. Then I start to deepen the kiss. I heard him moan. He quickly lets go of my arm and wraps his arms around my body. I completely melt into him. He begins to lightly suck on my bottom lip to get me to open up. I do and felt the surge of power go through my body. I become hard.

His power was so seductive. I knew deep down that I shouldn't be attracted to him and that I shouldn't love him, but I do. Not as much as I love Lucius, but almost as much. I was attracted to him for all the wrong reason. Fear, lust, and most of all power. With Lucius it is purely love. I would leave him in an instance for Lucius, if I could. But I knew He would kill Lucius and me. There was no escaping him. I was his obsession the moment he first laid eyes on me. I remember the night that we met.

*_Flashback*_

"I said that I will not be going to the party tonight and that is FINAL MOTHER!!!!"

"Don't' you dare use that tone with me, Sirius Black! I will sew your mouth and your eyes shut for a week. Don't think I will be kind enough to feed you magically either."

"Why must I go? Why are you doing this to me mother? I know you hate me, but why must I be married off?" I looked back at my furious mother. Black eyes glared back at black eyes.

We have been having this same argument for the last hour in my room, when my mother revealed that I was to be meeting my future spouse tonight. I knew the only reason my family was doing this was to gain back some honor. They lost honor because of me. Because I was place into the wrong house. I was the official laughing stock of the entire family and pureblood community.

"You have disgrace this family by being taken into that disgusting house. You will bring back honor to this family. You are luckily we found someone who would have anything to do with you. You will marry your intended when you graduate from Hogwarts and you will accept it." My mother replied back to me a cutthroat tone.

"I hate this family."

"Well, that maybe, but you will get over it. Grow up and learn that nobody cares about what you want. It's all about honor and blood, boy. I still regret the day you were born. But I have accepted what you have become. You are my burden, but you will no longer dishonor this family with your selfish reasoning. You will be relinquish on to other's family and name. At least you could give them more respect then you do us, you little ingrate"

"At least I finally know how you feel about me, mother." I walked over to my robes that were on the ground. I was suppose to wear them tonight. The robes were a simple black but instead of my family crest it was someone else's. I didn't know who it belong to. It was a silver snake, with a skull. But the snake's body was going through the skull. I was slightly disgusted. I could tell that whoever this family was, they were definitely into dark magic.

"Mother whose family crest is this?" I looked at the woman in confusion, but realized she had left my room. She left just as quietly as she had enter.

I knew from the little information and the symbol on my robes this couldn't be good.

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_At The Party_

I sat in the far corner of the ballroom. I didn't want to be seen or heard. I hate this damn balls. They were pointless. Everyone here was fake and coldhearted. Purebloods! All they do is talk about their wealth and power. It was almost nauseating to listen to their useless conversation. I was so busy thinking about how bad purebloods were that I didn't even notice the stranger coming towards me.

I looked up at the stranger. My heart skipped a beat when I seen those beautiful green eyes. They were so bright. They would put even the rarest emerald to shame. The man had hair that sort of reminded me of James hair, but his was less messy and dark brown. James' hair was more auburn. I continue to stare at the man's face. His lips looked soft and slightly full. I for some reason wanted to taste those lips. I felt myself blush at the thought of wanting to kiss a complete stranger. The stranger smiled at me, as if he knew what I was thinking. I blushed again and decided to look down instead of at the man's face.

"Hello." The stranger stated.

"H…Hello" I stuttered . 'Oh, that was embarrassing. Now I sound like a bloody girl.'

"No, you don't. You are just a little overwhelmed." The stranger replied. I blushed once again. He could read my mind.

I didn't response. Hell, I could barely swallow, when I felt the power radiating off the wizard in front of me. The prickly sensation of the man's magic went all through my body. It was not surprising that the man could read minds. I began to feel a little lightheaded with all the magic going through me. The tingle I was currently feeling was getting slightly stronger.

'What is he doing to me?' I thought to himself. I started to feel warm for some reason.

"It's nothing , compared to what I could do." I shudder at that thought.

"You look a little flustered would you like to go outside for some air." The stranger smiled at me again and offered his hand to me. I just held my breathe and took his hand. "Come on, let's go." We began to walk across the ballroom. The crowds that were engaged in conversation, immediately disperse. They were all staring at the stranger and me in shock.

I didn't know what he was doing. It was like I had no control at all. I was never one to go off with strangers. I would normally tell them to go to hell or fuck off. Not blush at them like a bloody girl.

"Would you really have said that to me, even before you knew who I was?" The stranger halted and glared at me a bit. I then felt myself tense up. I was starting to feel cold, just a little bit. I realized at that point I didn't know who it was holding my hand. I didn't know this man at all. I felt a fear come over me. For all I knew he could be related to my future wife.

"Well, I wouldn't refer to myself as a wife." The stranger smirked at me. I looked back at him in shock.

"What?" I asked.

"Sirius, darling. This is your future husband.." My mother came out of nowhere and stated to me. She looked nervous. I knew something was wrong when my mother referred to me as darling. She never spoke to me so sweetly.

"You are marrying me off to a man!!! What is wrong with you? Have you all lost your mind?" I screamed at my mother while letting go of the stranger's hand,. She looked at me with pure fear in her eyes.

"I am sorry, my lord. He does not know who you are. When you have come by and visited he was still at Hogwarts. Please, my lord, do forgive him for being rude and offensive." My mother is now kneeling in front of the stranger. I step back and look at the scene playing out in front of me. Never have I seen my mother shake in fear. It was pitiful. I almost enjoy it a bit, but then I realized she feared my beautiful stranger.

He smiled. Once again reading my thoughts. "It is quite alright. I like the fight in him. He will be a challenge to break in. Please get up."

"Who are you?" I asked boldly but still with a bit of caution.

"Sirius, that is enough!" My mother yelled at me. The stranger raised his hand up to my mother to silence her further. He began to walk towards me.

" Don't yell at him for asking a question." He stops coming towards me until we are only a few inches apart. He then raises my chin up so I can look into his eyes. He is very tall compare to me. The top of my head only makes it to his lips. He smirks. " Do you want to know who I am?" He says to me softly. I nod in response.

"I am the person that everyone in this room fears. I am the man that will teach you the importance of what it means to be pure. I will love you and care for you. But if you upset me I will not hesitate to break you. I am Lord Voldemort." He then captures my lips in the sweetest way imaginable. My body trembles from his power, his gentleness, and his cruelty. It was my first kiss. My first kiss was taken by the Dark Lord. But instead of being scared, I melt into him. He breaks the kiss. Without thinking all I can say is.

"Then my lord, I am yours."

_*End of Flashback*_

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This is why I am now married to this man. I am his. He made sure of it, they night he first took me. That is why his mark covers my entire back. The mark of the Deatheaters.

That is why my body trembles for him when he comes into a room. I fear him but love him.

But if he knew the truth about the unconditional love I had for Lucius. I don't want to picture what he would do to us. That is why I have to keep our love a secret. Not because of our honor but because I do not want his blood spilt.

"Come on, Sirius let's go to bed." He takes my hand like he did on the night we met. And once again all I can say to him is.

" I am yours, My Lord."

So, what did you guys think. I hope it was some what worth the wait. I hope you guys enjoy. I will try to update this story and my others this week. So plz be patient and review!!! Thanks for the support!!!!


	3. Save Me, Please

I DONT own nor do I make Profit off of Harry Potter or the Characters.

Chapter Three: Save Me, Please.

*Flashback*

I was completely numb. Not only two nights ago did I find out I was getting married. But I was getting married to the dark lord. My parents were marrying me off to a man that has been known to be very cruel and murderous. I haven't even left my room since I came home that night. I have been lying in my bed for two whole days. I refuse to eat or drink. My mom and dad have been staying with the Malfoy's, so they don't even know that I am on a hunger strike. I rather die.

I hate my situation. I hate my family. But most of all I hate my life. Maybe I should just slit my wrist and end it all. I am pretty sure my family wouldn't care. Hell, they probably wouldn't even notice I was gone. That's it I will just end it. I rather go with my pride and dignity intact, before I let them strip it away. Especially the Dark Lord. He had informed me that he wasn't going to take me, just yet. He was going to at least wait until I was 17. But I was required to spend every weekend with him, starting next week.

I haven't talked to or see anyone. The only people I wanted to see was my friends. If James and Remus knew my situation. I couldn't even bear to tell them the truth. They probably would never talk to me again. They would completely flip. I was going to lose everything. My life, my friends, and most of all my dignity. I felt literally abandon. How was I going to go back to my life at Hogwarts? Knowing that I was soon going to be come….Voldemort's whore. The title of spouse was just away to make it sound more pleasing.

I look around my dark room. I haven't even bother to open the curtains. I am in complete darkness. I got up just to light a candle on my table next to my bed. I decided that if I was going to do this, I would at least use a razor. It took all my energy just to get out of bed. I went to the dresser that was across my room in front of my bed. I opened the drawer and pulled out the box that held the razor. It was a simple old fashion razor. It was pure gold all over. Even the blade was gold. My name was engraved on the handle. It was a Christmas gift from my father. I always thought it was weird he gave me a razor. But I guess now I know why he gave it to me. He knew I would always be a failure. The thought of it just made me even angrier.

I walked back to my bed and lay across it on my back. I was now looking up at the ceiling. I slit my left wrist first. Surprisingly it doesn't hurt at all. I went to cut my other wrist when someone came into my room. I dropped the blade and it lands on the floor.

"Why can't you just leave me alone and let me be?" I asked the blonde in a whisper.

"Because, I can't leave people as pathetic as you suffer to yourself. " I felt him come towards me. He was now standing at the foot of the bed. The look he gave me was something I was use to seeing. It was a look of pure disappointment. Even when he was disappointed his still looked beautiful. He removed his robes. He was only wearing a gray button up and black dress pants. I observed him. What was he planning to do? I wondered if he was going to let me die or get help? The only thing that I felt for Lucius was hate. I knew the feeling was mutual.

"Do you think this is the answer to your problems, Sirius? Do you honestly think this will solve anything?" He eyes started to shift from disappointment to something else. "I will not let you do this. You will face your problems like a man. Only cowards take the easy way out. Do you understand me?"

I just glared at him. "Why the fuck do you care? You never acknowledge me before, so don't pretend to care now, Lucius!" I yell at him even though I was starting to feel lightheaded. Especially when, I felt his hands rest on my knees. My heart began to beat fast. I started to sit up but my body was losing energy. I just flopped by down.

"Lucius, what are you doing?" I said to him. But all he did was smile and open my legs. My body went completely still. I would have fought him off, but tonight I couldn't. I know he pitied me. He didn't care for me. All he did was feel sorry for me. But tonight I wanted his pitied for some reason. I was the black sheep of the family that nobody loved. I didn't even existed in their eyes. Would it hurt to let someone have some type of compassionate for me, even if it was just pity and hate.

He was now climbing on top of me. I just inhaled deeply. I wasn't prepared for what was going to happen. We were now chest to chest but still clothed. I felt his cool breathe near my ear. I held my breathe when he spoke.

"Siruis, if only you knew how beautiful you really are. You could be so much more then what you are now. It is a shame that someone as young as you has so much hate and anger. You should learn to accept your faith. Realize that you do have something worth living for."

"What exactly do I have to live for, Lucius?" I felt my eyelids getting heavier from more blood lost. It was getting harder to breathe.

"Only you can answer that, my Sirius." In that instant, I felt his lips on mines. It wasn't a passionate kiss but it wasn't completely innocent either. I didn't even kiss him back, all I did was faded into darkness.

When I awoke it was late in the afternoon. Not only was I still alive but I was healed. Also someone was in my bed, but who. I turned over to look at the person who fucked up my attempt to end my life.

"Lucius?" As soon as his name left my lips everything that happen last night came back to me. Lucius on top of me and the kiss he planted on my lips. I lay back on my back. I reached up and touched my lips. I was once again out of breathe. I couldn't believe that he had kiss me. What did this mean? I thought he had hated me. We never saw eye to eye. It was nothing but hatred between us. I hated everything about him . His attitude, the way he dressed, the way he talked, and the way his piercing eyes seem to read every emotions I felt.

"Lucius what do you want from me?" I asked softly, unaware that he had awoken.

"Do you really need me to tell you, Sirius?" Once again he was reading me like a book, trying to unveil the truth with his eyes. His hands caress my face gently. He is once again on top of me. Our lips only a few inches apart.

I sigh heavily. "I truly hate you , Lucius." Once again his lips are on mines, excepted this time I kiss him back.

*End of Flashback*

* * *

"Fuck!" I yell as I run to the bathroom. I can feel the breakfast from this morning raise. I am leaning over the toilet and emptying the contents of my stomach. This is the second time this morning that I have thrown up. Once I am done, I flush the toilet. I rinse my mouth out. I look into the mirror. I look like death warmed over. My hair was a mess, since it had vomit in it. It was hard to hold your own hair when it came down past your shoulders and not get vomit in it. My eyes were red and irritated. My lips looked swollen. Luckily, I didn't have any facial hair. But then again, I did just turn 22. But besides me looking like shit, the only I could think of is my the sudden memories. I don't know why I thought of that particular memory, especially now.

"Are you okay, Love?" I was instantly pulled for my thoughts.

"I honestly don't know, Tom." I look at him through the mirror. I gave him a weak smile. The nausea started to come back full force. I ran back towards the toilet. I felt Tom pull back my hair. I began to dry heave. My stomach no longer had anything left to throw up. Tom caressed my back soothingly until I was done. Once I was done, he helped my get back to bed.

"I am going to have someone come and examine you." He said while pulling the covers over me.

"You don't have to do that. I am fine. I will be okay. It is probably just an upset stomach."

"It is more than that. I can tell. I will have Snape come and check on you. You know he could run some test on you to make sure you are okay." He starts rubbing my stomach. It felt really good. I moan at the gestured. But I then realized he said he wanted Severus Snape to take a look at me.

"NO!! I will not let Severus Snape examine me." I sit up and remove Tom's hand from my stomach. He then frowns at me.

"It was not an option. I was telling you, that he was going to be examining you." He gets up from the bed.

"But…" I didn't even get to finish my statement when he left the room. I fall back down on the bed. Great this day is beginning to go bad for me already. Not only was I having inappropriate memories of Lucius, I was also sick. Which met that Snape was going to come over and Tom had given him permission to touch my body. And that thought alone made me run to the bathroom once again.

* * *

Well guys, I know it is a little slow. It will take off in the next chapter. So, plz review and I am also looking for a beta. So if you guys could refer me to someone that would be awesome. LIES, LOVE, and OBESSIONS will be updated tomorrow night. XOXO


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